Relationship Rationale

While talking with one of my friends I realized that we form our rationale not from reality but from perception. This is particularly interesting when considering relationships. I have recently been realizing how relationships defy reason. We live with this "understanding", for lack of a better word, that we have the power to hurt people. I personally tend to believe this power to hurt people should keep others away. However, my friend pointed out that despite our potential to hurt others, people are still drawn to each other.

"Rational" thinking seems to imply that if two people have the potential to hurt each other they should avoid each other. The reality, however, is that we all desire intimacy and a sense of community. We desire to know others and to be known. So why is this? Why is this desire seen as irrational? Why do we live with the idea that relationships should be void of hurt and pain?

Imagine with me for a moment: You are cooking pasta. The water has been boiling and now it is time to drain the pasta. You take the pasta to the sink, but the colander is too small to leave in the sink. You pick it up thinking that this is the best way to drain the pasta. You have a friend help you, after all what are friends for - if not to help you make pasta. However, the two of you miscalculate the projectile path of the boiling water. The water lands on your skin. You have two options; instinctively move your arm away, or allow your arm to remain in the fixed position - with the boiling water pouring over your arm.

In this scenario, your body makes a decision before you have even consciously realized what is going on. The instant you feel pain, your arm recoils away from the source of pain. Call it intuition, self-preservation, or an assortment of other names - you have a desire to protect yourself physically, built into your being. Why then do people pursue relationships and friendships even with a realization that pain is inevitable?

To begin to answer these questions we must, as one of my favorite musicals from my childhood states, "start at the very beginning, a very good place to start." Flashback to when God has made Adam. He sends Adam to name all the animals and to find for himself a friend. But none of the animals were suitable. God, who is triune, had made Adam in his image. God lives in community with himself. Once Adam has realized that none of the animals can fulfill his longings for community and for intimacy, God states "it is not good for man to be alone" (Genesis 2).

Why does God wait until Adam has interacted with all animals before he says that man should not be alone? We may never know. However, I have a theory. God wanted Adam to come to realize his need. Adam needed someone from the beginning of time. At this point in time Adam was sinless, yet he needed someone. This means that the reason why we need others is not because we are flawed, or because we are sinful, BUT because we are human. By our very nature we need others. So that answers the why do we desire community with others. We desire it because we were made to desire it -- to deny that desire is to deny part of who God made each of us to be. Also, if God needs fellowship with himself, why should we not need fellowship with others?

Why do we think that relationships should be void of hurt? This question has its answer rooted in the previous answer. In the Garden of Eden, God established the first relationship. This relationship was perfect in every way. There was a perfect oneness not only between man and women, but also with God. We all yearn for that situation. We yearn to be completely known and completely loved. In our ideal world that intimacy comes without hurt. In the beginning of time Adam and Eve were naked together and felt no shame. They laid themselves completely bare, with no fear. No fear of each other, and no fear of the world. They had no concept of hurt. The first relationship existed, for a time, void of hurt and pain. 

The fact that we still have this inert belief that relationships should be void of hurt points to the fact that the world is not as it was designed to be. The lyrics of Hillsong's song, You Hold Me Now, speak to this reality. The lyrics are talking about heaven, and when things are finally as they should be, once again. "No weeping, no hurt or pain, no suffering. You hold me now, you hold me now. No darkness, no sick or lame, no hiding. You hold me now, you hold me now."

So why is the desire irrational? We have covered this in parts already. Our natural instinct should prevent us from doing anything that can hurt us; whether it is avoiding boiling water, or avoiding the often more painful emotional hurt that comes from a broken relationship with a fellow sinner. 

But maybe that is the point, maybe relationships a supposed to defy reason. If earthly relationships are irrational, there is no way that a relationship with God can appear rational. God is the only perfect being. Not only that but he exists perfectly, in perfect fellowship, by himself. He does not need US, but HE desires US. We on the other hand, often do not desire God, but WE need HIM. Without him we cannot exist. Literally, every breath we breathe is because of God. But beyond the physical, we need God not just as a creator being but as a: father, friend, lover, ally. In every form of relationship we need God. Our need for other people is a picture of our need for relationship with God. 

In conclusion, I would say relationships make no sense, but they are still vital for existence. If you have not realized the absurdity of God loving us, dwell on the following verses. John 15:13 which says, "Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." Or Romans 5:7- 8 which says, "Very rarely will someone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might dare to die. But God demonstrated his own love for us in this; while we were still sinners Christ died for us."

Jesus is Greater

Everyone has something that they value, or more correctly many things. Being a student in college, I tend to value my grades. I put a lot of effort into my grades, and it is easy to believe that getting a good grade is what college, and more generally life, is all about. But grades are not the only thing I value. I value my relationships. I have a loving and caring family, and I am thankful for them. However, it is so easy to value what they think above all else. Not only do I do this with my family, but now that I am at college, I do the same thing with my friends. I fall into the way of thinking that my value comes from my relationships and how people view me.

Not only am I tempted to find my value outside of Christ, but I am also prone to believe that I have achieved something. In fact if I am being 100% honest, I often act as though what I have on my resume is the best and all by my effort. For instance, when I receive a good grade on an exam, my first thought is not "God is so great that he has gifted me with an understanding of the material." But rather my thought is "Aren't I so great, look at all that I have accomplished."

If I think that my resume is impressive, looking at the Apostle Paul's resume puts me to shame. He says himself in Philippians 3 that he is a Hebrew of Hebrews, meaning that he was the most righteous of all of God's people. Back in Abraham's time God chose the Hebrews for himself, to be his people. He provided them with the Levitical law, which included not only the 10 commandments, but also many other ceremonial rules. These laws existed as a way for the Jews to purify themselves and to make themselves holy before a perfect God. Under this covenant, it was the works that people did that made them right before God.

Yet, all of their works were not enough. They would offer sacrifices to God in payment for their sins and before even leaving the temple they would sin again, and would once again be out of communion with God. In other words, moments after finally becoming right with God, they were cast into a state of separation. However, Paul says that he in regards to this law he was faultless. If anyone had a right to take pride in his resume, it was Paul. In verses 7-9 of Philippians 3, Paul states that his resume is nothing to him.

"7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith."

In other words Paul realized that for everything that was on his resume, Jesus was better. In everything, Paul realized that Jesus was greater. This means that Jesus is better than an A, a job well done, or even my relationships. I admit that is it a hard concept to grasp. It definitely goes against how I naturally think. So how does one implement this? How do you live as though Jesus really is greater than anything? John 3:30 says, "He must increase, and I must decrease."

A lot can be said from observing where I put my time and energy. Those things that I spend time on are often those which mean the most to me. We are all the same in that way. Admitting that Jesus is greater, requires humility. For years I used to believe that humility meant thinking less of yourself and looking down upon yourself. In reality, humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. True humility comes from allowing yourself to decrease and from seeing Jesus increase in importance in your life. In all areas, I must accept that Christ is greater than I could ever hope to be. 

The good news is that unlike the Jews in the Old Testament, we have a way to be permanently in good standing with God. We do not have to continue to offer God sacrifices to be in communion with God. God sent Jesus so that through him we might be in right relationship with him. Romans 5:18 says, "Just as sin entered through one man [Adam], so then has salvation come through one man [Jesus]." That verse offers so much encouragement. It sums up our situation perfectly. By our nature we are sinful people, yet through Jesus we are offered grace, mercy, and salvation. 

Jesus offers me something I could never accomplish on my own. When I stop to realize my position in relation with him, I cannot help but to see how much greater he is than me. He is greater than my goals and my future plans. For all things, x, Christ > x!!

Jesus + Nothing = Everything

Tullian Tchividjian wrote a book entitled Jesus + Nothing = Everything. I must admit I have never read the book, but the phrase has become something that I have taken to heart. It is also the phrase that started me in my attempt to write faith based statements in math terms. This is a field that has never been attempted before. No one has attempted to convey statements of faith in the cold, often emotionless, language of math. Statements of faith are often believed to be emotion-filled statements that analytical people cannot, and often should not, take seriously. In reality, analytical people would do well to mind these statements and to take them to heart, as they can offer hope in an otherwise, dreary and lifeless world. 

Cross union null set yields infinity is Jesus plus nothing equals everything translated. The statement "Cross union null set yields infinity," displays a very important truth, and a truth that generations have struggled to grasp. It means that Jesus plus nothing is everything. It does not mean that Jesus plus my obedience, or serving the poor, or endless devotion, or anything is everything. It means that Jesus's sacrifice upon the cross was enough. Nothing that I do can make God love me more, and nothing that I do can make God love me less. God has chosen to love me, and you -- and Christ's death is the proof.

Romans 3:23 is perhaps one of the most famous verses. It states that, "all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of The Lord." However, if you continue to read on you learn in verses 24-26 that Christ came so that through grace, sinners might be found righteous before God. It is through Jesus's death upon a cross that grace is offered. Grace is a word that exemplifies the statement that cross union null set yields infinity. Grace is receiving what one does not deserve. 

In fact, not only does Cross union null set yield infinity, but for any x, Cross union x yields null set. Translated this means that Jesus plus anything equals nothing. Galatians 2:21 states that "I do not set aside the grace of God, for if righteousness could be gained through the law, then Christ died for nothing." This is such a power phrase, and so convicting. It means that every time that someone attempt to add their own righteousness onto the completed work of Christ, they are actually saying that Jesus's death was not enough. As a result they invalidate Christ's sacrifice in their life. That is not to say that Christ's death no longer has power, but they refuse to believe in the power that does exist.